Waiting Pains

Most of us have experienced physical pain in one form or another. Physical pain can be anything from stubbing your toe (ouch) to physical pain manifesting from emotional pain. For instance, if you have ever had your heart broken by a boy and the emotional pain literally causes you to have a physical pain or reaction. (Don't worry, he was an a-hole and wasn't worth it.)

This leads me to talk about what I can only describe as "waiting pain". This is the physical AND emotional pain we, as adoptive moms, experience while waiting to bring our kiddo home. It is torture and while at times it is not as strong, it is always there.


Signs and Symptoms you may be suffering from WP:

1. Checking your computer every four minutes and hitting "Refresh" on your email looking for new information from your agency.

2. Bringing your phone into the shower with you sealed inside of a Zip lock just to make sure you don't miss a call from your agency. (hint: You can set a phone number specific ring tone so you will know it is them)

3. Googling timelines during and between each and every stage of the adoption process.
    a. How long does it take to get from the lockbox in TX to my USCIS officer?,
    b. DTC to LID?
    c. LID to SC?
    d. What is the difference between LOA and SC? (nothing. same thing. I googled it)
    e. What do all of the acronyms mean during adoptions from China? (The newest one is OOT = Out of 
        Translation. Who the hell came up with this one? We do not need any more. ok? NMA = No more 
        acronyms! If we needed more, I am sure Hague would come up with more.

4. You have lurked the Rumor Queen message board at least once per day for the past year and you still have no idea how to use it.

5. You have become Face Book friends with half the moms who are also adopting from your agency.

6. You continue to look at bios of other waiting kids and might even have the nerve to approach your spouse with, "You know, USCIS did approve us for two?"

7. You prepare spaghetti for your family and think to yourself, "I wonder if he likes or has even had spaghetti?" This isn't limited to just food. It can also be recreational activities, movies, music, etc.

8. You enter the name of your child's SWI (Social Welfare Institution) aka orphanage and then hit Google Images hoping to find the JACKPOT, which is a new and unknown photo of your child. Don't laugh. I did this and found one.

9. You pack 3 months before you travel.

10. You think of dumb-ass reasons to call your agency just in case there is some new and important information they forgot to tell you. (Leave these people alone. Let them work. If something important happens, they WILL call you. I promise, they are working hard to get your child home as soon as possible, because they want you to stop calling too.)

11. You start talking about your child and people begin to roll their eyes at you. Don't take it personal. They do not understand at all what you are feeling. To them, it's the same as when a pregnant woman asks you to feel her tummy because the baby is kicking, for the 100th time.

However, there is hope! I have recently discovered that WP is acute and not chronic. This means there is a cure. We can bring our kiddos home and the pain of waiting is gone. In the meantime, stay busy! Also, remember than dads/ men do not express emotions the same way we do. Just because they don't stomp around the house whining and yelling "Come on!" or "Let's do this!" or "WHY IS THIS TAKINGGGGG SOOOOOO LONGGGGG???" doesn't mean that they are not feeling the same hurt. They just really suck at showing it.